Child care can make two incomes feel less useful than they look on paper. But leaving work has its own long-term cost, especially in high-cost states.
How much one parent needs to earn for the other to stay home varies state-by-state across the United States, and child care costs and family budgets are the reason the answer can change so sharply. A CNBC report, citing a SmartAsset analysis of Massachusetts Institute of Technology living-wage data, shows the benchmark for every US state.
The headline number is Hawaii: one working parent needs at least $102,773 a year to support a nonworking partner and one child, according to the analysis. That makes the stay-home decision less about preference alone and more about rent, food, health care, child care and future earnings.
Why the number moves so much
The stay-at-home parent calculation sounds simple: compare the second parent’s paycheck with the cost of child care. If day care eats most of the income, one parent staying home can look like the obvious move.
That shortcut misses the bigger household budget. SmartAsset’s analysis uses MIT living-wage calculator data and includes basic expenses such as rent, groceries and health care. It also factors in costs such as apparel, household supplies and personal care products.
It does not include discretionary spending such as travel and entertainment. In other words, these are not luxury-family estimates. They are basic-living benchmarks for a three-person household with one working adult, one nonworking adult and one child.
That is why the state gap matters. The same family arrangement can require a very different salary in Honolulu than it does in a lower-cost state in the South or Midwest.
State-by-state planning benchmarks
The figures below are rounded annual benchmarks based on the SmartAsset and MIT living-wage framework described in the CNBC report. They should be treated as planning estimates, not a personalized budget, because taxes, housing, debt, insurance and child care options vary widely by household.
- Alabama: about $72,000
- Alaska: about $91,000
- Arizona: about $84,000
- Arkansas: about $70,000
- California: about $99,000
- Colorado: about $92,000
- Connecticut: about $91,000
- Delaware: about $82,000
- Florida: about $83,000
- Georgia: about $78,000
- Hawaii: $102,773
- Idaho: about $75,000
- Illinois: about $82,000
- Indiana: about $74,000
- Iowa: about $73,000
- Kansas: about $72,000
- Kentucky: about $71,000
- Louisiana: about $72,000
- Maine: about $80,000
- Maryland: about $91,000
- Massachusetts: about $100,000
- Michigan: about $75,000
- Minnesota: about $81,000
- Mississippi: about $68,000
- Missouri: about $73,000
- Montana: about $77,000
- Nebraska: about $74,000
- Nevada: about $82,000
- New Hampshire: about $89,000
- New Jersey: about $94,000
- New Mexico: about $72,000
- New York: about $96,000
- North Carolina: about $78,000
- North Dakota: about $73,000
- Ohio: about $73,000
- Oklahoma: about $70,000
- Oregon: about $88,000
- Pennsylvania: about $79,000
- Rhode Island: about $86,000
- South Carolina: about $76,000
- South Dakota: about $72,000
- Tennessee: about $74,000
- Texas: about $77,000
- Utah: about $83,000
- Vermont: about $84,000
- Virginia: about $86,000
- Washington: about $93,000
- West Virginia: about $69,000
- Wisconsin: about $76,000
- Wyoming: about $76,000
Hawaii shows the squeeze
Hawaii is the clearest example of how the math can trap families between two expensive choices.
SmartAsset found that a one-earner household with a stay-at-home parent and one child needs $102,773 a year in Hawaii. But if both parents work, the family needs at least $115,814 to cover basic living expenses including child care, according to the same analysis.
That comparison is telling. Working can raise the family’s required income because child care becomes part of the budget. Staying home can reduce paid child care costs, but it also leaves the entire household dependent on one paycheck.
CNBC noted that Hawaii’s median household income is just over $98,000, based on Census Bureau data. That means the state’s one-earner benchmark is above what the typical household brings in.
Child care is only one cost
Child care is often the emotional center of this decision because the bill is immediate, unavoidable and easy to compare with take-home pay. The Economic Policy Institute has found that child care can cost more than college tuition in more than half of states.
For many parents, that makes a second income feel surprisingly small after day care, commuting, payroll taxes, work clothes and convenience spending are subtracted. A parent earning a modest salary may see little short-term cash benefit from staying in the workforce.
Still, the monthly spreadsheet is not the whole story. A job can come with health insurance, retirement contributions, promotions, seniority and professional contacts. Those benefits are harder to price than a child care invoice, but they can shape a family’s finances for years.
That is why the best use of a state income threshold is not to declare one choice right. It is to reveal the real tradeoff: cash flow now versus earning power later.
The hidden career penalty
The stay-at-home parent decision is not evenly distributed. Pew Research has found that women represent 82% of stay-at-home parents, a pattern that makes the long-term career cost especially relevant for mothers.
Emily Green, head of wealth management for Ellevest, told CNBC Make It that parents sometimes underestimate what they may give up five to 10 years later by stepping away from paid work. The costs can include missed raises, a resume gap, slower career growth and a harder reentry into the labor market.
For some families, the career break is a choice. For others, it is not much of a choice at all. If child care costs more than one parent earns, or if reliable care is unavailable, leaving work may be the only workable option.
The tension is that both choices can be financially rational. Staying home can protect the current budget. Staying employed can protect future income.
How families can use the estimate
A state benchmark is a starting line, not a verdict. Families should run the decision with their own numbers: net pay after taxes, rent or mortgage, insurance premiums, food, transportation, debt payments, child care quotes and emergency savings.
It also helps to model the decision over several years. A one-year child care crunch may look different if the working parent is likely to receive raises, qualify for retirement matching or move into a higher-paying role.
Parents considering a break can also look for middle paths: part-time work, remote work, freelancing, a delayed return date, shared care with relatives or a lower-cost child care arrangement. None of those options is available to every household, but they can reduce the all-or-nothing pressure.
The clean takeaway is that the salary one parent needs is not a national number. It is local, personal and tied to a child care market that can make two incomes feel necessary and insufficient at the same time.
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